Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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