The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
