She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
