Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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