what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
