I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
