Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
