All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
