Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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