I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
