the only muscles i have these days is kegels
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
