It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
