her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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