Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
