flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
