you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
