i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
