She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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