Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
