guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
