Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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