i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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