He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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