Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You took a bar mat shot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
