I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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