2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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