Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
