Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i out mim tonsoeep
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