Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
