OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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