is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
