I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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