The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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