He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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