Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize