i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
