I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
