chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
