Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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