oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
