a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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