1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
