I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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