what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
