mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
