Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
