They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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