I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
