i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
