her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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