can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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