So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
