do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We have started to decorate penises.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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