The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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