'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
