The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
