He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
