I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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