Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
