just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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