i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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