I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
