Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
