I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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