so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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