It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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