I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
