Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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