So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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