what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
