Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize