It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
