Someone shit on the floor
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
