I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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