I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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